To Date Or Not To Date?
…That Is The Question!
Summary: Couples who continue their habit of dating, even long after the wedding is over, find that their level of marital satisfaction increases. It’s a proven way to strengthen, enhance and even help restore your marriage. Read on to find out how and why dating your spouse is so powerful…
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When we were young and just getting to know each other, we made time in our schedules for regular dates. Sometimes we would go out for dinner to a nice restaurant, a no-jeans-allowed kind of place. Or, if money was tight as it often was, we’d go out for ice cream, a walk in the park or just a drive through the countryside together. Drive-in movies were popular summertime fun when we were dating (and now we’re dating ourselves…if you catch our drift!!); in fact, our very first date was to a drive-in movie. Neither of us can remember the movie we saw, but we certainly remember that first date because it was the beginning of a romance that has lasted four and a half decades.
After being married for a few years, it’s easy to let busyness with jobs, kids and household responsibilities take precedence and to forget about dating. The result is a relationship that grows distant and becomes almost more like a business arrangement than a marriage. You may even find yourselves with separate groups of friends which certainly doesn't lend itself to couple activities. In effect, you’re living separate lives even though you share a house.
And that is certainly not the way married life should be lived. We should be drawing closer to each other as the years pass, not getting more distant. We should be loving and appreciating each other in various new ways as we age, not taking each other for granted. Our marriage should be stronger and more resilient with each anniversary, not settling into a living-more-like-roommates arrangement.
We sometimes hear of couples who have been married many years, have raised their children and now have grandchildren. Once retirement settles in upon them, they look up one morning from their bowl of Cheerios and realize that they don’t even know each other any more. Relationship drift set in years ago and now they’ve drifted so far from each other that they have nothing in common, nothing that binds them together in any essential way.
And this is the point where, for wives especially, they may decide that life has more to offer outside of their marriage. They are looking for companionship, friendship, fun and enjoyment. Not a list of chores and a distant housemate - do the laundry, clean the bathroom, make dinner, sleep in separate rooms. Get up tomorrow and do it all over again.
So is dating the magic formula to solve all marriage difficulties? No. But it certainly sets up an atmosphere in which marriage difficulties can be overcome and companionship can blossom into something deeper and more meaningful. A couple who continues to date each other throughout the years of their marriage has a powerful ally on their side and is much more likely to be able to handle problems when they arise, much more likely to be able to withstand the inevitable ups and downs of life.
And this is so because dating helps keep your relationship fresh. It injects some fun in what could otherwise become mundane, boring and distant. You enjoyed dating each other when you were….well…dating! So why did you stop? Where does it say that all dating must cease once the wedding is over? Who said that dates are only for those couples who are getting to know each other? Why can’t you have fun together on a date even though you’ve been married for years, maybe even decades?
We’d like to suggest having a conversation about dating. Decide on some places you’d like to go, some things you’d like to do. Maybe as you plan these activities you can put the dates on your calendar. Carve out couple time to do whatever you would enjoy. And share the planning. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Maybe he loves football. Why not go to a game together? Even spouses who don’t understand the game or who might say they’re not sports lovers, can learn to enjoy the experience of doing something their partner enjoys.
Take a drive in the country to enjoy the beautiful fall colours and stop along the way for lunch when you find an interesting little restaurant or cafe you’ve never been in before. No fast food allowed on this one!!
Play a game of golf. Never played before? Find an executive course and rent some clubs for an afternoon of fun together. Dinner in the clubhouse afterwards is a nice way to end the day.
Take some dance lessons. Dance studios offer individual as well as group classes. You can usually take as few as one lesson or a whole series. Then go out for an evening to practice your new “smooth moves”.
Whatever you decided to do, the most important thing is to do something. Making dating a regular and important part of your relationship can help your marriage stay fresh and your love for each stay strong.
You’ll be glad you did!
For more information about pre-marital preparation and marriage coaching, click HERE.